Where has the summer gone?

Oh how I hate to see the school supplies come out in July! I still get this knot in my stomach that school is coming even though I've been out of school for a long time. This summer seems to be flying by way too quickly though I won't be sad to see the hot weather go away. We have spent the entire summer just having fun. Emma has been taking swimming lessons and after 3 lessons they finally took so we signed her up for 4 more weeks. She is now so brave that she jumps right off the side of the pool whether you are ready to catch her or not. She doesn't mind if she goes under and bobs back up either. I'm not sure that I like this new fearlessness as it was far more convenient when she was afraid and I knew she wouldn't try to jump in before Mommy has her shoes off. Still though it is very exciting to see her taking this very big step in big girl land.

Besides spending a lot of time at the pool, we went to Busch Gardens with Emma's friend Addy and her mom. The girls had an absolute blast playing together. Check out this video!

Emma's two best friends are Addy and Morgan and those three girls have a good time wherever they go. It's a hoot to watch them. And they tire each other out which is a win for us mommies! We recently discovered that Emma isn't afraid of bounce houses anymore. Well off we went to Pump It Up on Sunday with Addison and those two had the place all to themselves for about an hour. Over and over again on all the bouncy things. I just love that these three have each other.

We went to the beach in July and of course that was a blast for Miss Emma. She didn't like the waves at first and the sand bothered her but by the end of the week she was laying on a boogie board in the ocean and building sand castles. She has a little boogie board that she takes in the bath with her sometimes actually.

My absolute favorite thing that Emma is doing now is singing constantly. There is nothing sweeter than the voice of a two year old singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, Mary Had A Little Lamb, Itsy Bitsy Spider or a dozen other songs that the kid knows. She also randomly recited the Pledge of Allegiance the other day which was so ridiculously cute.

We have also spent the entire summer prepping Emma for the impending arrival of baby brothers. We talk about them alot and she is allowed to lift up my shirt (not in public mind you though she has tried a few times) and say hi to them and kiss my belly. We include them in night night prayers. We ask her what their names should be and explain that all the baby stuff coming down from the attic is for her baby brothers. She seems reasonably okay with all of this. Now when push comes to shove, I have no idea how it will go. Right now she is glued to me at all times. She asks me to move my tummy so she can sit in my lap. (if only I could, if only I could) But I am sure that my good little helper will be okay, perhaps with some key bribery involved.

Now as for baby brothers. They have tentative names which we aren't revealing in case we change our minds which is possible. They are moving and grooving right along. They kick me alot and give me heart burn and indigestion and headaches but I have grown rather fond of them in spite of this.  Right now my main goal is to get a room done for them so they have somewhere to sleep!

As for Papa Bear, he's hanging in there.  There are times when I want to strangle him. Times when I've actually figured out where to bury his body and then there are times when I just am so thankful. In all seriousness, this pregnancy has not been easy. I was sick for a long time, still tired, now huge and can't do much and Mike has really stepped up and done everything he could to keep us afloat. Is our house a mess? Always (except when Jackie comes to clean!). Is the laundry folded and put away? not a chance. But is there food on the table, dishes done, dogs and cats fed, litter box cleaned, Emma's toys put away periodically, Emma played with, Momma happy and resting- YOU BETCHA! For that I am so thankful and so glad. Thank you honey. I love you.

So that's it for our summer. Here are a few pics to enjoy!

Marriage and Children

Our little family about to be a big family. 

Lately I have been feeling a little sad and a little mad. Marriage and children are not for the faint of heart. Those of you who are married with kids know this. Many times two married people may not agree on any number of things. Our big issues generally are cleaning and how we communicate with each other. At least from my point of view! Now add in caring for a little person 24-7 and it's a recipe for stress, fights and a lot of fun all at the same time. I have to say that the last few months have been a little bit of all three for our family but things seem to be on the up swing as Mike and I are trying really hard to work on our communication skills. Some days are better than others.There have been times when I have wanted to walk away and not put in the work to make things better. But we persevere.  As for parenting, well that's about to get a whole lot more interesting isn't it? Right now, I am the day to day disciplinarian and Daddy is the fun "other kid" most of the time. However, when Emma is really misbehaving Daddy puts the smack down on her and she knows she's in trouble. The terrible twos started for us when Emma turned 1 and are still going strong today! Oh my.

One thing has stuck in my mind a lot lately that has caused me to be sad and mad at the same time. Divorce. It's a word that I think I throw around a little to loosely sometimes and for that I am deeply sorry. Tom and Katie are divorcing- no shock there really. What Hollywood marriage doesn't end in divorce at some point? But there are a few couples in my real world who are going through either divorce or separation and it just makes me mad and sad. Sad because if they couldn't make it, what chance do the rest of us have? Mad because from the outside looking in it seems like they have been through so much how could they just give up? Now I don't know any of the inner workings of any of these marriages and have no right to feel anything about it at all but I do and it has lead to a lot of soul searching and prayers on my part. Prayers for them and prayers for my own marriage. That we always be there for each other, have patience with each other and forgive when hurtful words hit their mark. Every night I say this prayer because until now I have taken for granted how easy it is to hurt the one you love the most and I don't want that.

So for all of us who every day wake up beside the same person, perhaps with a little person wedged in between, I say this- be thankful, be appreciative and be grateful.

Boys and sweet Emma

Last week we found out that we are having identical twin boys. I was not surprised at all as I had thought this all along. Truthfully, I would be in shock if the doctor had said girls. We are busy working on coming up with names for the twins and I am trying to figure out how to cope with pee pees! Emma has started to adjust to the fact that she is having baby brothers. I ask her where her brothers are and she either points to her tummy or mine. It's very cute. I have started reading toddler books to her about being a big sister and she likes them.

I must say that there is a part of me that is really struggling to accept the fact that in a few months we won't be a family of three anymore. I know it's silly because we wanted another child but the reality is something I am struggling with. Every time I hold Emma or snuggle her I think about how with two babies I won't get to snuggle her as much and it makes me sad. Yes a lot of it is hormones probably. Still it is something I am struggling with.

For now I am enjoying every second of our last summer as a family of three.

Finding Words

Every day I come to blogger to write about Emma's latest antics and every day I leave without having written a single word. It isn't that I don't have a lot to say. I do. It's that my head has just been consumed with so many thoughts of the babies, the logistics behind having two babies at one time and getting Emma prepared to be a big sister. I literally couldn't type anything. But I am finally here and have broken the ice with a few sentences so here we go!

The Babies

About a week and a half ago we had our first visit with the perinatal doctor, Dr. Fisher. We went for our NT scan to check for probability of down syndrome, trisomy 18 and 13. Honestly, at that point I didn't care about any of those things, I was more concerned with having twins that shared a placenta and a sac which meant a huge risk to me and to the babies. Fortunately, within a few minutes Dr. Fisher found a second sac! Our babies are identical but can't strangle each other with their umbilical cords or get nasty knots in them. They can however, one can starve the other and take its blood so I will be seeing Dr. Fisher every 2 weeks for the rest of my pregnancy starting on June 19. And he said I will deliver by 37 weeks so sometime that second week of November at the latest. We haven't really done anything in terms of getting ready for the babies yet. We need to move a lot of furniture and pack up two rooms in our house to make room for them. It's going to be an undertaking. Otherwise all is well on the baby front.

Emma

Ahhh my sweet little monkey has become Mommy's girl lately. She is always sitting in my lap or telling people that I am her mommy. It is so sweet and I am trying to enjoy every single second that I have left with just me and Emma. We have told her that she is going to be a big sister and that she will have baby brothers or sisters. Generally the response we get when we ask her if she wants a baby brother or sister is a resounding NO! So we have our work cut out for us.  I really love this stage of childhood and always have. Babies are okay but they can't really interact with you. Emma can carry on a conversation, tell you what she needs, entertain you and is fairly independent. She comes up with the craziest things. The other night I looked over while she was eating and she had put an empty bowl on her head! Back around Easter time, Target had cute little straw Easter hats in the $1 bin so we bought Emma one. It's pink and has a ribbon tied around it. For a while she would wear it around the house when playing with her babies. Now, it has become her rain hat. I kid you not. Every single time we leave the house and it is raining or the ground is wet, Emma demands "ma hat." And she wears this pink straw hat to protect her head from getting wet. No other hat will do. I need to get a picture of it because it is the funniest thing.

Monkey has also started asking her Daddy to play "toys" with her. Now I have no idea what toys she is referring to. She has many. But they end up playing Weebles or trains most of the time. She has also set up her on little gym in our living room. She asks to have her Pottery Barn chair flipped over so that it is a triangle and we push it up against the ottoman and surround all of it with pillows. She then climbs on the ottoman and uses the chair as a slide or as a place to flip over. Clearly the girl is destined to be a gymnast. And don't worry we are always right there with her so she doesn't crack her head open!

Finally with some of Mommy's energy coming back, we have been trying to just spend lots of time doing fun things. We went to Busch Garden's the other week and Emma had a BLAST! Mommy, not so much, but in 90 plus heat and being sick and pregnant who expected me to really? This weekend we went to the pool two days in a row. Emma had the baby pool all to herself on Saturday and she loved it. She and I played catch with the pool toys and splashed around. She did manage to fall in as she was running (for which I had told her to walk about a million times) but I was right there to scoop her out of the water. Scared her pretty good though. On Sunday we went with her friends Addy and Morgan and those three girls had the best time swimming, splashing and eating everything in sight. This weekend is her daddy's birthday so who knows what fun we have in store!

So there you have it. An update on the Toscanos and on parenting worries. Guess I had it in me afterall.

Twins Oh My!

So yesterday we finally let the cat out of the bag about our expecting twins. We found out on April 20 when we went for my 8 week appointment. We had known there was a chance of us having twins because of the fertility treatments that I was using (HCG injections and Femara) and I knew there were two eggs that were mature when I had my injection the last time. But, never in a million years did either of us think that we'd be in the 10% chance for twins. Never. So when the ultrasound tech broke the news that there were indeed two little beings in there we were not prepared. Mike started sweating profusely and I feared he'd have a panic attack right there in that hot, dark room. I was numb and unsure how to respond. I think I can equate the feeling to finding out you are pregnant at the wrong time in your life like when you are 16 years old, dating the wrong guy for you or something like that. It took weeks and weeks for us to work through this blessing individually and then another few weeks to come back together as a couple. I can only speak for myself here but my primary worries were 1. how can we afford two more babies? We had only budgeted for one. Yes we budgeted for our child! 2. How will I ever be able to give Emma the attention that she needs and deserves. 3. How can we handle two infants at once?  Like I said, though we had prayed for one more baby, we were totally unprepared for two more babies. Still are actually. We began to come to terms with it by looking at our budget, finding car seats that fit into my existing SUV, researching and educating ourselves and just breathing. We just trust God has given us the blessings that he knew we can handle. At some point we always planned to have three children, just not two at once!

As I approach the very end of my first trimester and start the very welcome second trimester (Lord please give me some of my energy back and less nausea!) things are a bit more complicated. Our babies as of right this second are identical and sharing a sac and a placenta. This is very high risk. Now I say right this second because I still believe that they are fraternal but my regular OBGYN says she feels like she can't see a second membrane or a second placenta. I go for a NT Scan next week and perhaps the more advanced ultrasound will find more favorable results. Perhaps not. Then we roll with it and hope and pray for the best. As for my dear husband (and this could be hormones but probably not) he's been very good. I'm really bone numbingly tired at the end of each day and he makes dinner, cleans up and doesn't complain much about it. The few times when I just couldn't even muster the energy to give Emma her bath he has stepped in and done it. Poor guy made me a delicious Mother's Day dinner last night. The steak which I would ordinarily love looked gross whole so I asked him to cut it up for me and he did! Still didn't fix the gross factor for me so I am officially giving up on eating meat for a while. I'll have to go to the good old Boca line of products I guess.

So for all of you who read this little blog, hope you enjoy our ride until December!

Just like that

My last post was about the beginning of potty training for Emma. Here we are 18 days later and my sweet baby girl is all grownup. Sure she still wears a diaper at nap and bedtime but most of the time it stays dry. Like most every milestone of becoming a little girl, it was sort of anticlimactic. No m&ms, no bribes. Just ta da. Every milestone has been this way. When Emma was ready to stop using a paci after discovering her thumb at three months, there were no more pacifiers. Samething happened when we allowed her to decide when to give up bottles at 15 months and when she decided to sleep in a toddler bed. Rarely is there drama or tears. Just Emma making the decisions and moving on to the next phase of childhood. I will say that it does make me very sad to see this last bit of baby Emma slip away so easily. Buti do have hopes that giving up her thumb might not be so easy!

On Potty Training

Let me be the first to say that potty training is not for the squeamish or faint of heart. We started officially potty training yesterday. Big Fat Failure! On any other day my little monkey loves to go pee on the potty but put her in panties and the kid seals her legs shut! Throughout the day I wondered how many accidents Emma might have had until I got a phone call from daycare. Turns out Miss Toscano decided if she couldn't potty on her own terms, she would not potty at all. She held her pee ALL DAY! I got to school and we tried again with me, first in the kid's potty and then in the teacher's potty. All she did was scream. I might also mention that she still wears a diaper at naptime and in her stubbornness still held her pee, despite the diaper!

So off we went to our house. I immediately put her on the potty again. I was convinced she'd go on her own potty at home. Nope. When I say she threw the most heart wrenching tantrum I have ever seen, I am not exaggerating. Any momma would have been distraught! She cried her little heart out. So we got off the potty and I let her be. She cried for a good 15 minutes sitting on the kitchen floor until she peed on herself. Now this set off a whole new tantrum because she was upset that she had an accident. I was trying to soothe and strip her naked at the same time. Poor kid was so traumatized that I put her in a diaper and we snuggled and watched Toy Story.

Cut to today. I really, really, really wanted to put a diaper on her. I did. But we proceeded forward with panties on. Got downstairs and not five minutes later she grabs her crotch and says she peed. She did indeed. So fearing a fight or tantrum, I said okay let's go sit on the potty like Addison and Morgan do so Mommy can change your clothes. This works! She sits pitifully on the potty while I run and get her new clothes. Then as we are leaving for school/work, I go to put her coat on her only to find that she has pooped in her pants and said nothing! So gross. Now I have no experience with how to clean up that much poop out of someone's panties. In the end, we threw them out. I can afford to buy new underwear rather than deal with that. So now we've had our pee and poop accident and the child is at school STILL IN UNDERWEAR! I have no idea if she will continue on this stubborn streak of I'll do it in my own time or not.

But for you mom's and dad's who haven't ventured into potty training yet, be warned. Personally, my kid may be the one in diapers starting kindergarten!