Before I had a child, I had a picture of the type of mother I'd be. Probably we all do I guess but if you are like me, reality is not at all what you pictured. I pictured myself as the type of mother who was overprotective, jumped every time my child fell, cooked lots of different veggies and only served organic food to my sweet child. I would never wipe food off and give it to my child after she threw it on the floor nor would I allow my child to watch too much TV. In reality, Emma lives on about 5 different foods and has eaten her fair share of floor food.
As I was leaving Whole Foods yesterday I realized I am so not a Whole Foods mother. Daddy went go kart racing so Emma and I went to the Children's Museum in Short Pump where we frolicked and played for an hour before heading over to Whole Foods for milk. Daddy likes the taste of Whole Foods milk the best so off we went. Now I will stop right here and tell you I never venture to Short Pump let alone Whole Foods and especially not on a Saturday. This earrned me a WTF was I thinking. The store was absolutely mobbed. Yuppies and trendsetters were taking up every aisle, just staring at the many organic and wholesome things. Mainly they were waiting in line for the free samples and drinking wine at the wine bar...oh and buying bread. Emma at this point was so over stimulated and ready to go home that I should have known better than to even go in the store. We were going to buy some veggies but the price and the crowd and Emma's patience prevented this. So off we go to get some milk. I quickly put three gallons of whole milk in the cart and move on to the skim milk where an old couple is literally just staring at the massive selection of milk. Of course, they are right where I need to be. I quickly give Emma a sample of a potato chip to munch while I politely ask the old couple if I could get to the milk. Grab three gallons of skim milk (and some rather odd looks) and move on. I now have six gallons of milk in my cart. People around me are looking at me like I'm crazy or I am keeping a secret about an upcoming blizzard. We try to go down the aisle with the kid breakfast stuff. I grab a $4 box of Abby Cadabby organic oatmeal and put it in the basket. Emma demands Elmo oatmeal instead but won't give up the box of Abby oatmeal. A fit ensues and we end up with the Abby oatmeal as people continue to look at me with scorn. I might add that I do notice that no one else in the store has a toddler crying her head off and throwing things out of the cart.
We hit up a few more aisles for overpriced food that I hope Emma will eat but know that she won't. Pick up some meat which is totally worth the price and snag a few pieces of cheese for Emma to sample while Mommy gets her dinner and daddy's. I try to wait in line for pretzel bread for Daddy but Emma is having no parts of this so we go to check out. Emma throws her blanket on the ground and is trying to get out of the cart. I'm informing her that this is why people use birth control. More looks. The nice cashier asks if I want my meat separate from the rest of the food in the bags. I inform her that I don't care as long as she is fast so that Emma doesn't lose it completely. We pay for our stuff and are out of there.
As I'm driving home I realize that 1. I am not a Whole Foods person or mother. 2. There is a reason that toddlers don't go in public and 3. I am so not the mother I thought I was going to be.
I head home and prepare my dear child a deliciously overpriced organic child bean burrito and fruit. She skips the burrito and eats half the fruit before demanding non-organic cheese and half of my chocolate chip cookie. And I'm okay with that.
